Shopping the Friendly Skies

Flying home to Michigan yesterday I brought a book to read on the plane, but I wasn't feeling in a place where I could devote enough attention to read it. Never fear, SkyMall is here!

Who doesn't love those battered up SkyMall magazines found conveniently in the pocket of the seat in front of you? If you've never flipped through its pages, you are missing out. I can spend a large chunk of a two-hour flight scanning through it, wondering what amazing contraption someone's come up with to supposedly make my life and the lives of those around me substantially easier.

Outrageous items - like the X5. No, it's not a video game, it's "the next generation in laser hair therapy." For a mere $299, you get a gadget that looks like a small round alarm clock that you rub on your head and supposedly generates "15 distinct points of coherent laser light directly to your scalp." Whew. Thank goodness it's not the inebriated laser light...you could wake up with a shaved head and no eyebrows.

Or there's the mosquito deterrent that's shaped like a cappuccino machine for only $349. It emits a "plant-based" repellent (though they won't tell you what it is) to save you from being one of 3,630 cases of West Nile and 117 deaths reported in 44 states. Or you could just could just pack up the kiddies and head for one of the six unaffected states. Your choice.

And there's the indoor dog restroom consisting of a rubber mat with a layer of green turf for Fido to do his business on when you're too damn lazy to talk him for a walk. Only $149.95. Holds up to two gallons of liquid. That's just gross.

How about a life-sized suit of 16-century Italian armor for only $975? It's hand crafted... the helmet opens... no?... ok...

There are so many ridiculously expensive and unnecessary products, I won't list them all here, but I must admit there were a few gems that caught my eye. Like the cordless Margaritaville Concoction Maker. Oh yes... camping just got a whole lot more interesting...

Or the "Keep Your Distance" Bug Vacuum for $49.95 that lets you stay two feet away from creepy crawlies on the walls and suck those little buggers up with a 22,400 rpm motor. Yeah!! Take that, spider!

And the digital camera and snorkeling mask combo for $99.95. Never again will you be caught underwater without your camera! The best part - just plug your mask into your computer to download the pics!

Do you ever have those moments standing in line at Starbucks listening to the foreign couple behind you talking, certain that they are making fun of your new haircut? How about the 20 Language Translator. Fits in your pocket and contains over 20,000 words and 2,000 "useful phrases" for only $79.95. Bringing us all just one step closer together in this big world... awwwww....

SkyMall is a treat in the skies, especially since airlines are too cheap to serve peanuts or crackers anymore. I'm looking forward to our flight in October when the Fall 2009 edition of SkyMall will be out. I've been itching for a new Peanut Butter Maker. "From whole nuts to spread in seconds!" Ha - that's what she said...