Time Sharing

It's 11 a.m. on our first day in Vegas and the streets are relatively empty, everyone has either just gone to bed or is inside gambling away their kid's college tuition or next month's rent. New and fresh to the city, we're slightly naive and not yet annoyed by the numerous solicitations we receive on every corner. "Are you ladies going out tonight?" "How about a free show!?" "Come take a look!" We smile, don't make eye contact, and continue walking... until...

He was relentless and charismatic - a dangerous combination. Maybe it was the fact that he resembled our new president or that he referred to a deal for couples like us that hooked us. Either way, we paused just long enough for him to read the huge SUCKER signs on our foreheads.

We gave in and followed him back to his booth to see what he was offering. All of these shows for FREE! $200 in slot play! For just two hours of our time... "But I don't want a timeshare!" I exclaim. It's ok, he assured us. "We own 80% of the strip," he said. A shuttle would pick us up and give us a tour of their properties and it's GUARANTEED to be less than two hours. Then there will be a short presentation during which we'll be with a whole roomful of people and not one-on-one with a salesperson. And what do you know, there's a shuttle leaving in 20 minutes!

The free show was enticing. Beatles LOVE and Zumanity, both Cirque du Soleil shows, were at the top of our list, but since they are in such high demand and so expensive, they weren't actually free. Of course they weren't. But we could get Zumanity tickets for the bargain price of $20! Somewhere along the line he said he would even give us $300 in slot play so we said if he did that, we'd do it. We signed on the dotted line and were told we'd get our tickets after the tour.

To recap, the promises made to us were:

1. A tour and a presentation - to take a total of two hours, tops.

2. A roomful of couples just like us - no one-on-one with a salesperson.

3. Free tickets to a show - or $20 apiece for Zumanity (a saving's of $100 per ticket)

4. $300 in slot play - He also said that they weren't going to "hold a gun to our heads" if we didn't play all of it and cashed out.

Happy that we scored tickets to Zumanity and $300 to gamble, we were still a bit apprehensive as we waited for the shuttle. We boarded the cheerful, brightly colored shuttle, picked up a few other suckers and were on our way to...the middle of nowhere. Barely able to see the monstrosities of the strip, we were so far south, there was nothing in site other than a Boot and Western Wear store and the high-rise condos of Tahiti Village. What about our tour of all the hotel properties? You know, the 80% of the strip they supposedly owned?

Welcome to fallacy #1.

The shuttle drops us off at the front of the resort and we're directed into a waiting room where we are checked in and told to take a seat. One by one, couples are called forth by smiley people with name tags, but it isn't until we are called up by a very tall grinning man named David that we knew we had been had.

Welcome to fallacy #2.

David led us to a room full of couples, all assigned their very own salesperson. Oh goody. At least there were snacks. Eager to make small talk but coming off a little invasive with his questions, David asks us about our trip to Vegas, hockey, hiking, and anything else he can grab a hold of out of what little information we're providing. Finally the painful small talk is interrupted by an eruption of applause, balloons and confetti and an extremely jubilant man in a Hawaiian shirt. He shows us an exciting three-minute video of casinos imploding and how they have been replaced with the enormous outrageously expensive hotels we see today.

Then Mr. Hawaiian Shirt launches into a story of his first visit to Las Vegas, on a business trip with his dad. Their hotel suite was $19 and the midnight buffet was just a buck back in 1974. "Boy have things changed. Wouldn't you like to lock into a low rate for vacations for the rest of your life?!?" As he talks and flamboyantly waves his arms about in excitement, we can't help but chuckle a little at his over-the-top cheesy gameshow host persona. At last he's done with his presentation and behind him, the curtains that line the entire wall of the conference room dramatically open up to show us...ta da! Tahitian Village. We blink like moles trying to make sense of all the bright light.

Time check - 12:45...45 minutes to go. Nicole leans over to me and says "When do we get to say 'no'?"

After another hour of filling out surveys about all the trips we want to take in the next ten years (you know mine was a long one!) and how much those trips would cost if we didn't have this LOW LOW PRICE to pay each time and all the places we can go (Ok, I admit, he had my attention for a few seconds when he mentioned New Zealand) we were already running over the two-hour time mark and we still had a property tour to look forward to.

Finally David offers to show us the property, first leading us to various maps and models of the property, exclaiming that we "came at such a good time! We're just starting Phase 2." Lucky us!

David is what I would classify as a fast walker and Nicole and I, even with our long legs, struggle a bit to keep up with him. We enter the model of a two bedroom condo and it's quite nice, especially the kitchen. "And the best part," says David, "you don't have to clean up!" We oooh and ahhh in the appropriate places and as the clock approaches 2:30, we find ourselves happy to be in the accompany of a fast walker. Get us out of here!

A look at both pools, the lazy river, and the view of nothing but desert and that Western Wear store, David tells us "This will be the middle of the strip in ten years! WOW! Did I mention you came at a good time??"

Finally back to the conference room where we are ready to grab our snacks and bolt, David sits us back down and starts throwing numbers at us and before we can even blink, he says he's bringing over their financial manager to really crunch the numbers for us. At last we see a chance to pipe up and say we're not interested and we explain that it's not a good time for us, etc. "But, just take a minute and see what we can do for you!" And off David went...bringing back Mindy.

Oh, Mindy. Picture Punky Brewster, complete with braces, but with blond hair, a low cut shirt and about twenty years. "HI! I'm Mindy! You guys are so cute! You have beautiful eyes. How long have you been together? Aw, that's so great! I hope I find someone. I just started dating girls two years ago. I tell people "Hi, I'm Mindy and I used to date Mork but now I know that all Morks are dorks!' HA!!!!"

She made our head spin. And we were sure she no more dated girls than she had a degree from Harvard. Nor were we convinced she had an 11-year-old that had already had two, yes TWO, brain surgeries. Really? Are people this gullible? But she was a whiz with the calculator, I'll give her that. Her first offer was $700 per month for a two-bedroom condo but by the time she was done, it was down to $150 for a one-bedroom - good anywhere in the world of course. How could we say "no" to that??

Easy. And we did. And let's just say it didn't go over well.

Mindy continued to be her bubbly self and wish us well. David, however... "So what made you say no?" he asked accusingly. When we explained ourselves yet again, he literally just got up from the table and "fast walked" out of the room. Are we supposed to follow him or do we wait here? Would somebody just give us the bloody free tickets so we can leave?! By now it's nearly 3:30 p.m. and we have less than an hour to get back to the hotel, eat lunch and get ready for Nicole's hockey game. So we halfway follow David out in to the hall but we lost sight of him. Luckily Mindy was there to help. She really was a sweet girl...even if she was as sweet as she was crazy.

It turned out David was sullenly waiting in line to get us our free tickets and $300 in slot play. He hands us our goods and says nothing other than "I'll show how to get downstairs to the shuttle." No "thank you for your time" or "keep us in mind." Nope, pretty much just a "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

What did he expect? We were coerced into coming to this presentation, wooed by freebies and promised it would take only two hours. Maybe a more honest approach would yield better results. And speaking of promises, back to those four promises we were given in the beginning. The first two had been proven false and the last two, well they were at least 50% true. We did see Zumanity for only $20 apiece, but we had balcony tickets that were only worth $69. Still, we were VERY glad to have not paid that much for this show - the description of which is worthy of a whole other blog. And we did get $300 in slot play, to be used at one casino specifically, only on their "promotional machines" and contrary to what Mr. Charisma told us, we could not cash out anytime we wanted. In fact, the only way we could win was by hitting the Jackpot. "Kind of an all or nothing thing," explained the woman manning the slot machines. We played $300 of someone else's money and didn't hit a jackpot, so nothing spent, nothing gained.

If you've read this entire blog, wow, thanks to you for hanging in there! I hope this has helped some poor sucker out there like me not get bamboozled. But it could have been worse. We could be inviting you out to our condo in Vegas...