Give Me My Daily Bread

I have a love affair with bread. Dating back to the ketchup and bologna sandwiches on Wonder bread of my youth, I've spent years entrapped in doughy goodness. Eating around the crust and pulling out the warm centers of a roll, eating bread was a favorite pastime and no two baguettes were the same. I agree with my friend Shelly who said of a warm loaf, "It's so good, you just want to stick your face in it."

So it was with great reluctance that I recently embarked on a two-week wheat- and gluten-free diet in the hopes of discovering a hidden food allergy or sensitivity. Not only was I banned from the bakery, I also had to avoid caffeine, sugar, soy, red meat, dairy, chocolate and processed foods. Telling co-workers and friends about my plan yielded one common response "What the heck are you gonna eat?"

Well, see, there are these things called fruits and vegetables that grow in the ground and on trees and you can eat them raw or cooked and some of them actually taste pretty good. Perhaps you've heard of them?

I wasn't so worried about what I would eat. I'm pretty creative in the kitchen and I made some great dishes like Italian White Bean soup and Black Bean Mexican Quinoa salad. But it was challenging. Every time I opened the fridge I could hear the chocolate bars snickering and and see the Kraft singles smiling their cheesy mocking smile. I was singing the Ain't Got No Bread Blues and a few days into the detox I wanted to rip someone's head off. A friend started referring to my "crazy detox eyes." I suggested she keep a biscuit in her back pocket in case I did anything rash.

By day 11 I would have given my left arm for a sandwich. By day 12, my right. But by day 13 something changed. Suddenly I could drive by Great Harest without bursting into tears, people stopped looking like walking loaves of French bread and I no longer spent my nights dreaming of crunchy garlic croutons. It was a miracle! The "bread moodies" were virtually gone and I have so much energy that I practically leap out of bed in the morning, much to the cats' dismay.

Still, I look forward to the day when I will once again be one with my loaf. :-)